How to Form an Anyship
When thinking about an anyship as just another friendship or relationship, we can start in a familiar place when forming one: first, find a friend. The crucial difference that we’re trying to pursue compared to typical friendships is that you and your friend are able to negotiate your relationship together, rather than letting it fall into the default societal idea of what “friend” means.
Physical & Emotional Intimacy
If you would like to deepen your physical or emotional intimacy with a friend, your best bet is likely with a friend with whom you are already closer than most, and who is also usually thoughtful and open to new ideas. Introducing them first to the whole idea of customized relationships—maybe with the help of anyship.co!—to gauge their openness and reaction is likely to tell you how things might go.
Remember too that your goal is to establish or deepen a relationship in which you both agree on the levels of intimacy. For this reason, it’s best if you don’t have any particular goal of intimacy in mind. The point is not to get your friend to agree to some deeper levels of intimacy that you desire, but to talk openly and see if there might be a place of balance and agreement between you.
So start a conversation about your curiosity with the idea of customized relationships and see how that settles in. Pick the conversation up at a later time to see if your friend shows interest, and if so, prompt them with something like “Would you be interested at all in changing the levels of intimacy in our friendship?”
An emphasis on finding a balance together and complete openness to adaptability and change over time are important. In traditional models of social relationships, once you deepen intimacy there’s nowhere to go but deeper, or to break off the relationship entirely. It will require a high degree of trust and honesty to communicate about your relationship and be open to both increasing and reducing your levels of intimacy over time in response to each other’s wants and needs.
More than most of your typical friendships, negotiated relationships will require care and maintenance, along with an openness in communication that might at first feel awkward or difficult. Becoming comfortable with this level and style of communication will be instrumental in the success of your relationships.
Intellectual & Experiential Intimacy
Negotiating your levels of intellectual and experiential intimacy will generally be much easier because typical social relationships already can and do include these aspects. Asking simple questions about intellectually intriguing subjects will quickly tell you whether a friend is interested in discussing them. Similarly, asking if a friend wants to go on a particular adventure or experience something new together are not uncommon and should be straightforward.
The common thread to all types of successful friendships & relationships will still be the underlying trust built through honest communication and shared experience. As with most things in life, the only sure way to get better is to practice and live some of these events together. What better time to get started than now‽